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Picture this: A conversation over the internet. A man plotting something with a friend. A story....about murderous citrus. Imagine wanting so badly to write this story with him.


This one is for gr3yfish.

I hope you enjoy it.

P.S. I'm going to buy a lemon so I can find what it's terminal velocity is....

P.P.S. gr3yfish can be found here:
He's a much better writer than I am. Read his shite!

"Space was, at one point, known as "The Final Frontier", but ever since we've been colonizing entire galaxies, it's been known as "Municipal Waste Dump Ad Infitum".
A lengthy title, but very appropriate seeing as everyone decides to dump their refuse in to the seemingly infinite vacuum.
I wonder how many planets could be made with the soulcrushing amounts of waste that are endlessly making their way through the ever expanding void.

Speaking of trash, have you ever been hit in the head by a lemon? It's quite riveting. Nothing quite like the sensation of taking a fist sized fruit to the occipital lobe…especially when said citrus x limon is traveling at terminal velocity, tearing through the atmosphere, heating to an almost unfathomable temperature and, finally ending its journey somewhere between the cerebellum and the pons.

"Oh! Hello sidewalk! I'm sorry if I'm being too quick, but there seems to be something in my head that has drawn me to you!"

Gravity always seems to work the most when you've tried to defy it.
"It appears as though I'm bleeding. Dammit all! I'm wearing my favorite shirt today. I apologize to all of you onlookers, I promise I'll be cleaned up faster than you can say "meringue"!"
Rule one of dying: Inject as much humor as physically and spiritually possible. It's your last chance to say something witty and clever, so come up with words that will change history!
And thus I shed my mortal coil! When life gives you lemons traveling at (insert terminal velocity of lemon here), you make a comical corpse."
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Submitted on
August 27, 2012